We became, by successive divisions, particles of sand scratching around the pearls in our shells. We were making the situation clean, but quite alone. I could not reach you again.
The reaching was my mistake. I reach because I perceive you to hold something I do not have. This pain is easier to put on to you than admit is mine. This pain of loneliness I did not expect to feel with such intensity and a steadily more remote passing sea of faces reveals you as you are: nameless, shifting, soluble in light.
Loneliness: a gift of my self-awareness. You are forcing me to see you in many shades. The pain is unavoidable and once known is just a pain. The thought and mirroring stories of it carry more dread than you slowly passing through my stomach. I wonder if this is the end game for you, or an admission that you will be forever a close friend. Amazing how your reality dies when fully admitted. When accepted – wretched gut pain cramping my awareness system – you pass smoothly like a stream. I love you. You have brought me to a greater subtlety and depth. You have made me see again, where before I did not. I cannot expect any result from this but a great humility dawns. That you, not being realised, were like an inner disease, something to be shrunk from avoided or dealt with. Now you are a gentle – steadily becoming more comfortable – breeze. I became the breeze and you more gentle. Formerly a grain of sand you became my rich pearl.