Words That Change

Love drifts

In Uncategorized on 4 September, 2010 at 14:43

Love drifts

And waits

In piles

And causes

The raker’s grip

To drop

Love drifts

~

Love wakes

And waves

Wash over us

Ovals in foam

Grey under grey

Love wakes

~
o
Love drinks

Spill on guests

Weighed with ham

Tasteless cherries

Unpressed lips

Love drinks

~
o
Love deserts

Whisper for days

Thickening dust

Obscures the blue

Love deserts

Love sounds

Dies down

Erupts

Shrinks back

Emerges black

Love sounds

~

Love coasts

Soaked knees

High up

Hanging jump

Car note

Love coasts

~
Love dreams

Forgotten lines

Careless words

Red reply

Recovery in cake

Love dreams

~

Love came

Understood

Complained

Was satisfied

Then broke

Love came

~o~

Commentary

This poem is like some others that start out longer, with a more complete narrative, and then get whittled down. It’s amazing how images can be captured and maintained with the barest of brushes. By straining out extraneous words, there’s more room for the images to breathe, and a deeper rhythm can move through. You get to a point when the poem becomes pure words and no meaning is attached: it operates by resonance alone. Or at least tries to.
Any thoughts? Please comment below.
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  1. Feed
    Back:

    I saw this movie:
    “Io sono l’amore”

    and this:
    “Love drinks

    Spill on guests

    Weighed with ham

    Tasteless cherries

    Unpressed lips

    Love drinks” made me remember of a particular scene
    (although the ham, which I find funny, would not exactly fit it).

    Both this part of your poem and the movie appeal to me in this way of merging love and food so close together. I am very biased towards that connection 🙂 (“Recovery in cake” again the same)

    I like the succesion of sort of loose images, the multiplicity. I am not sure it culminates in a complete story but I like the random rush.

    Particularly like “love deserts”. Love di -zerts, Love deh – zerts. Hmmm… intriguing and enriching 🙂

    • Hey Slow Hands,

      Will have to check that movie 🙂

      There’s not a narrative as such, but a common feeling through the poem which each verse is an attempt to light up. The images paint a picture, which dissolves into itself.

      Thanks for reading so thoughtfully.

      Ax

  2. Cool,what a beautiful poem….
    You can visit my web on http://luckydc.wordpress.com
    Iam from Indonesia so I use Bahasa Indonesia on my web. You can translate Bahasa Indonesia to English by using Automatic Translator on the right corner on my web 😉
    Thank You :mrgreen:

    • Hey Lucky DC – glad you stumbled by. It was really interesting to read your opinions on Qu’ran burning in the US. I really wish it would stop! Please come by again and share your thoughts. I am glad you liked the poem. Octopus.

  3. Okay, I think for sure the last stanza is the strongest. I am in love with the sparsity and either I have a really poetic mind or this poem just makes sense. I never felt lost in it, perhaps because you give us a tiny bite at a time- almost as if with each bite, we are trying to discern its flavor.

    There is definitely a feeling of ratcheting down, sort of like a taste test, where you have a spoonful of something spicy, but then you are able to ignore the extranneous and just taste a single spice for the sake of knowing what it is, yet all of them together create the flavor…Is that too artistic/liberal an interpretation?

    This is my own latest contribution to the poetical universe. I started out writing a mission statement and it evolved. I still want to give it the sparsity you show here, though. In time, I will find it, but then, this will probably not even say the same thing. Funny, how words write themselves.

    Let there be light:
    Shine-
    across dark facets of life; Illuminate-
    the brilliance of the ordinary.

    Extraordinary glimmers
    dance like diamond lusters
    on ordinary ocean waves
    on ordinary days.

    • YO 365!!!

      Thanks a) for the comment, wonderful to hear that you taste the words. They should drip into consciences like that. MWAH!
      b) YOUR POEM!!!!

      What a stunner, last two lines bring it together beautifully. This is my favourite piece of yours so far. Definitely succeeds in being sparse whilst fluid and rhythmic. It feels like a reply to Dark Dawns that you’ve previously remarked upon.

      Dark Dawns and Let there be light and if I am not mistaken both have a similar structure and way of switching themes mid-way through. Would you mind if I published them together as a new post?

      Take good care…Arjuna and the Octopus.

  4. […] it could because a poem I wrote six months ago popped up in reverse on one of the comments of another post two weeks […]

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