Words That Change

Diary#63 – gentle

In Uncategorized on 6 July, 2010 at 10:19

Coming back from a retreat is like Moses coming down from the mountain. People move at a slower pace, while not being explainable everything makes sense. You just sit there and words of perfect clarity echo from your mouth. You are travelling without doing and effortlessness oozes from every pore.

This usually lasts for three days. You get a knock or two, a harsh word. Something strikes you as unfair and your head again begins to writhe. Finances, relationships, friendships issues. There may be time to relax in the shade of a tree, but over the days hitting Facebook becomes more enjoyable. The quick fix overtakes slow gratification. You’ve begun by taking risks and when the consequences of these bite a little, you sit back and become more conservative, nurse wounds more tenderly, curse resilience for leaving.

Alcohol takes a larger role and this is wonderful. You come back with a carefully manicured idea of how things should be and in four days see this disintegrate. Vegetarianism, exercise, premiering the new ïnto work by 8am and out the door by 5″ strategy that has yet to make it past Monday.

You relax in the same comfort that what has returned is the same imperfect you. Stumbling and awkward, less inclined to voice concerns as before, just as organisationally erratic. Still a sucker for a well-cooked meal. Thriving and withering in being alone, judgemental and impassive when with others.

~ o ~

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  1. It’s like you’ve been watching. I could have written this, just not as eloquently 🙂 If only it lasted longer. That clarity. Still get glimpses now and again. x

  2. Thanks Dean! Could not have sung it as well as you…

    Clarity – the elusive mistress of the sensitive soul. She’ll be back.

  3. A retreat or an extremely restful holiday. This may explain why I’m reading your blog from an airport cafe, having just missed my flight home for no good reason, other than that I was wandering about in my own dream world without a watch.

    I now wait for the same plane that I actually laid eyes on to return from London to scoop me up and will make the most of an extra 2hours in the sunshine.

    London seems very far away!

  4. Hey Alex, I hope you make it home OK. Being in a dream is fine but I know what it is like to miss a plane home! Arrgh!

    Take care of yourself – keep me posted on your next moves!

    Love,
    Ax

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