Coming back from a retreat is like Moses coming down from the mountain. People move at a slower pace, while not being explainable everything makes sense. You just sit there and words of perfect clarity echo from your mouth. You are travelling without doing and effortlessness oozes from every pore.
This usually lasts for three days. You get a knock or two, a harsh word. Something strikes you as unfair and your head again begins to writhe. Finances, relationships, friendships issues. There may be time to relax in the shade of a tree, but over the days hitting Facebook becomes more enjoyable. The quick fix overtakes slow gratification. You’ve begun by taking risks and when the consequences of these bite a little, you sit back and become more conservative, nurse wounds more tenderly, curse resilience for leaving.
Alcohol takes a larger role and this is wonderful. You come back with a carefully manicured idea of how things should be and in four days see this disintegrate. Vegetarianism, exercise, premiering the new ïnto work by 8am and out the door by 5″ strategy that has yet to make it past Monday.
You relax in the same comfort that what has returned is the same imperfect you. Stumbling and awkward, less inclined to voice concerns as before, just as organisationally erratic. Still a sucker for a well-cooked meal. Thriving and withering in being alone, judgemental and impassive when with others.
~ o ~